The focus on love in the month of February for many brings up painful memories of lost love or unrequited love.
A client who I am working with on relationship woes asked me:
“How do you stop holding on to someone you have technically let go of, for good reasons, who is supposedly no longer in your life?”
She went on to ask:
“How do I stop ruminating over what happened with this person, investing valuable energy and even losing sleep over it ?”
If you are experiencing something similar, you probably know deep in your heart that this person is just wrong for you, but you long for that person to wake up, feel your pain and come to your rescue. Is that realistic? Of course not. Yet it is no simple matter to just let go, even when you know it is the most reasonable thing to do.
It starts with asking WHY, but not “Why did he or she do this to me”. That’s just part of the ruminating on how you were treated unfairly and unkindly and hurt so badly. That is clearly taking the role of victim, which hurts you more than the other person in every case. The more useful question is:” How and why did I allow, invite or attract a person with this kind of insecurity?” OR “Why do I keep getting into these co-dependent relationships?” Is your need for acknowledgement and validation of your worth so great that you fail to recognize the futility of your efforts to get this from someone who is preoccupied with validating THEMSELVES?
You need to rescue YOURSELF! Stop abandoning yourself to get approval because you don’t feel worthy of love and acceptance. Get back to the truth of your worthiness, your adequacy and find your freedom to live as your true lovable self. Listen to your wise voice within.
There are ways to get back to your true self more easily, using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) which releases the emotions of fear, guilt, anger, sadness and the limiting beliefs that hold you in this dis-empowering pattern in your relationships and other aspects of your life.
Release the pain and take back your freedom to just be yourself. Find the joy of attracting others who see and acknowledge your beauty, accept and love you as you are and value you as much as you deserve to be.